If You or Someone You Love Is Thinking of Ending Your Life - Read This First

Photo credit: Shelley Fourney

I am so sorry the pain has gotten this intense. I hate that ending your life has become an option your mind for you. I appreciate you being here and if someone sent this to you I am glad they did.

You are NOT crazy. You are NOT alone. And there IS help.

What if we just take one thing at a time? What if the only next step is reaching out to one person — me, another therapist, your doctor, anyone you trust — and just saying I am struggling? That is it. One thing. One step.

Often in our community we feel like we should be able to handle "it" — whatever "it" is. AND in my experience, talking about what is running through our heads not only lightens the load, but also normalizes what you are encountering. If we stay alone with these types of things the load can get too much to bear and cause us all to question our sanity.

You are not crazy. You are in pain. There is a difference. AND there is a way through this that does not involve ending your life.

Please reach out. RESOURCES at the end.

If you are NOT the one struggling but you are worried about someone you love, keep reading.

To the person who is scared for someone they love —

First, trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. You know this person. Pay attention to what you are noticing.

Here is what I want you to know — you do not have to have the perfect words. There ARE no perfect words. What matters is that you show up and you are not afraid of the conversation.

Start by naming what you are seeing — specifically. Not "you seem sad" — rather "I have noticed you have been in your room for a week," "you seem really off," "your response is a 50 out of 10 for something small," "I have seen you cry more than usual," "you haven't showered in a week." Name it.

Remember — some of these responses are normal for some people. You are referencing what you know IS NOT normal for this person.

Then say the thing that matters most —

I do not want to lose you.

Often that is enough to open the door. They may say "I would never do that" — and that is okay. You can gently ask "how do you know that isn't for you?" or "what keeps you going?" Let them tell you their WHY. That conversation alone can be powerful.

AND — if they go quiet, or if something in your gut says it is more than that — ask the question directly.

Are you thinking about ending your life?

I know that feels scary to ask. It feels like maybe you will put the idea in their head. You won't. That question says I am not afraid of this conversation. AND for someone who is already thinking about it, that question is nothing new. It is actually a relief that someone finally said it out loud.

If they say yes — ask how and when. Then say I will go with you to get help. And then do it. Get them to a resource — a therapist, their doctor, UMC, TMC. If it is after hours reach out to Paragon. If you don't know where they are, call dispatch on the non-emergency line and request a welfare check. That is exactly what those resources are there for.

You do not have to be a therapist. You just have to be willing to start the conversation. Even then it is not a guarantee — and that is the horrible part.

A few other things that may help:

• You do not have to say the right thing — quiet is often better than too many words

• "I hate that you are going through this" goes further than "I'm sorry" which can get old

• "How are you even doing this?" acknowledges how hard it is without minimizing it

• "I am here and I will keep checking in" — and then DO it. Call, text, stop by. Keep showing up.

• Pay attention as time goes on — the further from the loss they get the more they may be able to tell you what they need. Offer specific things — cleaning, food, lawn care, groceries, manning the door so they don't have to talk to people.

• Isolation is real — it can feel like nobody gets it. Your presence matters more than your words.

Often in our community we feel like we should be able to handle "it" — whatever "it" is. AND in my experience talking about what is running through our heads not only lightens the load but also normalizes what you are encountering. If we stay alone with these types of things the load can get too much to bear and cause us all to question our sanity. Reaching out is not a weakness. It is actually the bravest thing you can do.

Resources:

• Shelley Fourney: 970-729-3545

• Sam Jacobs: 970-729-8028

• Paragon 24/7 970-343-7880 (Melissa King) 

• Uncompahgre Medical Center(UMC) 970-327-4233 - Therapist on Staff

• Telluride Medical Center(TMC) 970-728-3848 - Therapist on Staff

• 988 — Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text, 24/7)

• Dispatch — Non Emergency Lines - Not sure where someone is? Call dispatch and ask for a welfare check — that is appropriate and that is what they are there for.

  • San Miguel County - 970-728-1911

  • Montrose County - 970-249-9110

• 911 — day or night, for emergencie

This topic touches all of us — whether you are the one struggling, the one loving someone who is, or the one who has already walked through loss of this kind. You are not alone in any of those places.

I would love to hear your feedback about what resonated with you. Feel free to respond here. If you prefer to respond more privately you may contact me at 970-729-3545 or email me at shelley@intentionalsteps.us.

A note — the tools and approaches I have shared here are things I have found to be helpful. This is in no way exhaustive. Every person and every situation is different. When in doubt, please reach out to a professional you trust.

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Photo credit: Punky @punkturesphotography