My Body Knew Before My Brain Did
Photo credit: Punky @punkturesphotography
I don’t know about you but in the summer I want plenty of TAKE IT EASY time. Given that winters can feel really long in CO I especially want to hike, paddleboard, do office work on the porch, bike, take pauses to sit on the porch with my husband and kids, etc… AND sometimes I have a hard time shifting away from my own expectations and lists. And honestly, most Mondays start before I even realize what's happening — my body knows before my brain does. My body is jittery inside, jumping from one thing to the next without finishing anything, my brain is buzzing from tab to tab, and I have to often jot down a couple of the “next things” so I don’t have to hold it in my head.
So most Mondays I do a bunch of tasks around the house and some office work also. You know laundry, cleaning, tidying, responding to business texts, calls and emails. And I have a plan and ALMOST every week things don’t go as planned. I get annoyed and tense, but I tell myself you have to get “IT ALL” done. I try to get up and get going before everything falls off the rails and often I still find myself down a trail I didn’t want to go. So mentally I end up in the place of going numerous directions and feeling like I am spinning out - my mind is being asked to change directions rapidly and then I forget where I was headed, and then I am more annoyed. I get distracted easily enough without doing it on my own. I have thought about how do I prevent this on Mondays - I am not sure I have an answer and currently I am sitting on my deck and typing - I can feel myself breathing deeper, being outside working is eliciting calmness and gratitude, and I consciously know that giving myself permission to not get it all done would be useful AND that inner struggle of I have to get it done is still present, battling within me. I can even reassure myself that each week it works out AND that pressure ain’t helping me in the moment. Sitting outside and working does seem to get my crazy brain to stop so I continue.
So what if I could have a productive morning/day on Monday without running myself into the ground? That is a brilliant idea. For me it is all about the irritable and frustrated head space. Given my kids are on their own now, it looks like me putting my head down and getting to work, I don't do great with a ton of additional interruptions on Monday and my husband and I have discussed this. He is kind enough to give me the space I need on this day. I definitely default to control mode when things feel out of control and you could say he has mentioned that…not my best moments AND still facts..
One thing I have opted to do is remind myself Monday is often full of opportunities, I also created a morning routine that I can stick to. Truthfully I think the biggest contributor is that I am going so many directions, not necessarily on purpose, but sometimes. So as I type I am thinking this through in my head - what would actually change the tone of Monday? It isn’t just Monday, it happens other days also, however most likely on a Monday. I am better at slowing down, shifting the focus or reducing the list other days. I am also better at stopping and sitting down, resting for a minute, taking a nap or reading a book other days. For some reason Monday I want the whole list done and I don’t want to budge! That is it in a nutshell. AND truly it isn’t worth the inner critique.
SOOOO given I am in that spot right now - after sitting and typing I find my brain is less agitated and I can hear my logical brain turn back on and whisper, “Hey, just do that next priority, if it doesn’t all get done it is really ok.” That feels like more of an option now. I am now able to identify what is next and remind myself “IT IS OK” if it doesn’t all get done and believe it.
Options are lowering my standards or adjusting my expectations. What is the difference? For me lowering my standard(aiming for good enough) might be the difference between deep cleaning my kitchen, cupboards and all vs. more of a surface clean. When I had kids at home I had to adjust the standard, especially when I wanted them to help. Where adjusting my expectations might look like reminding myself if I get a bunch of calls and texts less is getting done on the cleaning list, maybe I split the list and do part one week and the other part next Monday, what if I did that all the time? With two of us things just don’t get as dirty. The other thing that really does help me is take moments to slow down even in the middle of busy. Build them in the day like little rewards. These moments of rest allow me to keep the calm internally which allows me to respond better to the people I love, speak nicer to myself, refill and have more energy, joy and happiness in the day to day. I used to live for the next thing AND now I truly want to create a life I don’t need a vacation from. (Not mine, author unknown). Good Enough has been a phrase that has served as a bit of a motto for me. Being that perfection is a constant tension I have to manage within myself - GOOD ENOUGH is like a breath of fresh air often. I am now monitoring if I am enjoying my days and my life. If I were to have a conversation with someone running full speed ahead I would ask “Are you enjoying your life?” “Is it what you want?” Many times life is just happening and it is years later until we look up and realize this is NOT what we want. I would encourage them that change is possible and small steps can make a big difference.
LISTEN I know this stuff, I talk about this with people all the time, AND I still have to talk myself through it almost every Monday or at least every week. Frankly, I wish this was NOT an issue and although it is better it is a regular burr in my butt.
Overwhelm is a real thing and the small steps can seem impossible. How about I talk you through with some questions?
Think about your summer overall…
What is one thing that is working you want to keep or protect?
What is one expectation for the summer you can tweak just slightly or maybe you need to drop it completely?
What would taking it easy look like in your life this July, so you didn't have regrets when the summer was over?
Now let's think about just this week…
What tiny adjustment can you make for this week?
What on your list can wait? Or does not need to happen at all?
Let's get practical…
How would you make that tiny adjustment?
What does it look like for you to implement? Don't forget the steps to make this adjustment are all part of it.
How would you convince yourself that thing on your list doesn't have to happen this week?
What would have to happen so you actually took that item off the list or moved to another week?
So often what our day to day looks like is due to the season we are in. I have time to schedule a hike for the day or take an afternoon to paddle board and I can make that happen pretty easily. When I had kids at home I rarely took a whole day to myself - not a complaint - that was the season I was in and that is ok. So as you think about these questions don’t forget what season you are in. What does taking it easy look like in your season? Honor your season, yours won’t look like your friends or mine. DO YOUR SEASON!
Summer brings with it so many “I want tos” and “bucket list items” are those going to help you take it easy in the way YOU NEED? How would you spend this month if you truly believed rest was productive. Go slow, be kind to yourself and remember slowing down is wisdom NOT weakness.
If you feel stuck and don't know how to proceed, I am so willing to help. You do not have to do this alone. I would love to hear your feedback about what was useful and if there are other areas you would like me to cover. Feel free to respond here. If you prefer to respond more privately you may contact me at 970-729-3545 or to my email shelley@intentionalsteps.us.
Photo credit: Punky @punkturesphotography