Who Gets Your Energy This Holiday?
Photo Credit: Suni Rae Fourney
The People Part of the Holidays “Who Gets Your Energy This Season?”
WARNING!
If things are going well during your holidays, ignore this. If it AIN’T broke DON’T Fix it! :)
So let’s figure out the people part - who you will see and who gets your energy.
UUUUGGGGGHHHHH this part can be hard. We all have so many people we love and want to spend time with and it's highly likely we can’t do it all during the holidays, much less on the specific day. And that means disappointment. Expectations are everything and when things are sorted and decided early it gives time for the “we are doing it differently this year” conversation. Start here: Think about who brings you joy, who adds to your cup, and who is a delight to be with. How and when do you WANT to include them?
Next, let’s be honest - there are people that you NEED to spend some time with, they may not be “cup fillers” but opting out doesn’t feel like an option. Can you make some adjustments to the plan?
Adjustments that make spending time with these folks more manageable. Consider these options:
Length of time you will spend with them
Different day for celebration
Time for celebration
Different location for celebration
Will you take a buffer person-someone who has your back
Guest instead of hosting
If hosting ask for help
Limit responsibilities at the event
Drive separately
Possible options for easy conversation
Find a comfortable place to sit
Time to decompress afterwards
If your family ALWAYS celebrates Christmas at noon on Christmas and you have decided that spending the day at home because you have little kids is important or maybe you're like us and your grown children have jobs and will likely work on the holidays, how can you compromise? We will celebrate with our extended family that plans to be in town on Christmas and likely come up with another day to do Christmas. You may ask, does that bother you - the change? It doesn’t - it feels like a way to actually lengthen the celebration and make it last longer. If making a big change is too much, talk to your people and consider breaking the change into smaller pieces. Permission to choose and plan differently this year.
What about folks you’ve decided that spending time with them ISN’T working at all? It may be that history (past drama) has proven this isn’t a good choice for your family, your own health may not allow contact with a particular person, they don’t respect your limits and avoiding additional drama is critical. How will you address it?
Will you just opt not to go or engage?
What if they ask?
Will you reach out first so you are prepared for the conversation?
Will you ghost them?
Is a text easier than a phone call?
How much explaining will you do?
What about creating a couple scripts?
Talking these things through with your partner can at least help verify that you both are on the same page. That alone can provide reassurance.
What if your spouse or partner isn’t on board? This is a hard one. AND if your spouse or partner isn’t on board - I don’t know about you, but for me that is a PEACE spoiler. Especially to someone like me who has this heavy expectation that “EVERYTHING” should be perfect for the holidays. I am growing in this area, AND it has taken some serious time. So can you compromise, adjust expectations and find that sweet spot so you both win? If you are on opposite ends of the spectrum remember it may take time to find that sweet spot where you are both happy.
Remember, making changes to previous traditions or plans isn't easy. Feeling guilty is a real thing. Wanting to distance yourself completely may be your preference AND it's ok to break these changes into tiny pieces that are more manageable for yourself and the people involved. Take your time - baby steps in the direction of that sweet spot ARE still progress.
Next week we’re getting practical about time and money - because once you know WHO you’re including, you need to figure out what’s actually doable. See you then!
And of course, I am here and happy to help if that is useful. Thank you for trusting me, and remember - even beginning to think about how full your cup is and how you are treating yourself is the first step in being your own best friend.
What questions came up for you while reading this?
I'd love to hear what resonated or what you're curious about. Because remember - I'm not the expert on your life. I'm just here to help you figure out what works for YOU one baby step at a time. 970-729-3545
Photo credit: Punky @punkturesphotography