Protecting Your Peace

Self Care During the Holidays

I love me some family time with my “kids” who are now adults. Last year we were able to spend some great time together throughout Christmas and the week after. Some of them decided to go to the Ouray Hot Springs for a fun day. I began to notice some of my warning signs. Not because anything went wrong, because I was tired, because I refill by being alone, because I hadn’t had much time alone, and because I needed some quiet. This WAS NOT about them, it was about me. Turns out I also have FOMO - Fear of Missing Out and it almost killed me to stay home. However, it paid off in the end and I was able to feel much more like myself as a result of refilling.

As you head into the holidays I wonder if you know what it is that refills you? I am definitely someone that needs alone time to refill OR deep meaningful conversation from someone that gets me (my hubby or a close friend). Mostly I need to be alone. How about you? Before the chaos hits ask yourself:

Does your personality require:

Quiet to refill?

Lots of people time?

Somewhere in between?

How do you know you need some quiet?

What energizes/refills you?

When do you need breaks/rest?

Do you need to schedule in DOWN TIME?

What do you need to say NO to?

I protect my peace by listening to what I need. I also do the important things first or schedule in time for them. I call these non-negotiables. Things that must happen to keep me sane. For me - workouts, hallmarks, quiet coffee time, monitor sugar (too much makes me moody) get healthy food, and good sleep (8 hours at least) help me operate as my best self. That means I can’t be out every night or interacting 24/7. And it definitely means I am likely to miss out on some things. If I plan ahead I can ensure they aren’t the events that are most important to me. Ideally time to watercolor is also beneficial even if it’s for 10 minutes. I have a spot where I can leave it setup for quick access.

It is one thing to decide what your family wants to do during the holidays, who they want to spend time with, how much you will spend, how you will care well for yourself AND we all have to decide how we will communicate these things to others. I have come up with a list of possible scripts to aid you in this process.

Strategies/Scripts - Simple Phrases that Protect Peace

Thank you so much for the invitation, we are going to pass this year.

We will be there for dessert only this year

We would like to celebrate Thanksgiving with you, could we do it earlier in the day so our kids could still get their naps?

We decided to do something different this year. No explanations.

We plan to stay at home on Christmas Day this year, what would be a time we can celebrate with you?

Let your behavior speak and use no words.

What's your go-to phrase? #BoundarySuccess

Additional Ideas for REMEMBERING the Scripts:

Have some scripts ready to text - decide when to respond, if you are afraid you will forget consider scheduling a text. If you have an apple phone and don’t know how - I can show you.

Post It Note on fridge/mirror/dashboard with script ideas.

Notes app - log some helpful scripts in your phone so you always have them available.

You might say these are great Shelley AND you don’t know my great aunt Sally, she is going to lose it. I would ask, is just doing what she wants an option?

If it is NOT using phrases that acknowledge her feelings can be helpful when you are faced with all of their heightened emotions. Things like “I know you are disappointed”, “I am sorry to let you down/disappoint you” (if it is true), “We can get together with you another time”, “This works best for our family”. Does this fix it for them - absolutely not - will they be upset? Yes. Often less words in these situations is better. My Aunt Treva taught me this “you can drown in your explanation”. It is highly likely YOU WILL FEEL as if you did something wrong. Decisions like this have no easy answer AND it is still ok to make them. Remind yourself of your good reasons for making this choice AND give yourself some kindness “You can’t do it all”, “Someone is going to be disappointed”, and go on with your day.

Remember - it’s ok to change your mind about a limit you set. It’s ok to create a holiday that brings YOU and your people peace. Whatever you decide, I’m here to walk beside you. Baby steps are STILL progress. And you? You’re doing better than you think.

And of course, I am here and happy to help if that is useful. What questions came up for you while reading this?

I'd love to hear what resonated or what you're curious about. Because remember - I'm not the expert on your life. I'm just here to help you figure out what works for YOU one baby step at a time. 970-729-3545

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Protecting Your Peace